A writer reflects on the risks of having a public online presence, exploring the tension between visibility and safety, and what makes sharing our stories worth the danger.
Thanks for the reminder Tiffany. I grew up sharing contents online without that much thought. I used to blog anonymously but I've since used my own name, not without some unease. I'll check out your tips and I believe, security is worth the price.
Tiffany, I’m a little shocked to read about such a mean spirited comment. Who are these people?? Just awful. I might be a little naive, or more trusting than you, but I am always feeling nervous when I publish something personal (what is not?) and dread how it will be received (misunderstood?). I was particularly nervous when I wrote about subjects that I knew were potentially divisive (the Israel-Palestine conflict for example). So I always ask myself, WHY publish? What is my intention? Do I write from a place of love, or some unresolved anger? I publish only what I believe can be helpful in some way. It is often received with love (for which I’m very grateful), and sometimes, yes, it is misunderstood. But like you, I have been silent for far too long and know that pain.
I love your writing so much and I am happy you are here. I’m grateful for your words and what you bring. Take the necessary steps to protect yourself, but don’t let these mean spirited assholes silence you. Sorry, just reading about it made me so angry.
You write about sensitive topics, and I'm reminded of when you shared about when someone said you wanted to start a forest fire with your post? Incidentally, I think that's the one that brought me to you! Whenever we write bravely, we're bound to incite strong feelings in others - good and bad.
I'm grateful for people like you, who remain open-hearted and still courageous, who still look for common humanity and compassion. You know it's what I also strive to do, even when it's so, so hard. It's encouraging to know we're not alone.
Like you said, we've been silent too long. Enough of that!
Facing up to the reality that you have to take these measures to feel that you’ve done what you can, that you’ve put available and reasonable measures in place for the safety of your family leaves me feeling sadder yet about the state of our society. Just know that there are people out here who need know nothing more about you than your humanity to want you and your family to be happy and safe. Your message, your writing, sheds a bit more light on the shared nature of our lives.
Thank you, George. I'm truly grateful to have connected with you. Your kind words make this space one I want to continue writing in, so thank you for that gift.
So thankful to read your words and I don't think I've ever stopped asking the question about the risk and "rewards" of writing so personally under my real name (even though I share about 20% of my real life). I have bylines in different publications but not of personal topics (lol it's finance) and I still get emails that are too rude to share. Someone found my phone number one and called me while I was running errands. I'm so glad to hear you have such good boundaries in place, but like you alluded, there is still a big risk in sharing online or in a public way.
It's crazy (not crazy) how there are people who will find something to harass someone about with just about anything.. Wow the phone number though. I block all unknown phone numbers haha so that kind of helps. There does seem to be less spam calls/texts after using DeleteMe, too.
Yeah I’m signing up for DeleteMe soon. I wouldn’t have answered it, but I remember being distracted by a few things in my kitchen and just answered the call without much thought.
Tiffany, before I got to the end of your post today, I scribbled on a sticky note, "Look up DeleteMe." Honestly, I forget how naive I can be, how trusting of others. When you wrote this, I was reminded of something predatory that happened on Facebook several years ago. I had posted a photo of Sarah as a baby, post-operation, to commemorate the anniversary of her cranial vault reconstruction. It took a while, but about four weeks later, maybe longer, I received a DM from someone who followed me that included a screen shot of Sarah's photo that was being exploited by someone who claimed Sarah was THEIR child who had Down syndrome. It was during this era of "please like and share," online predators capitalizing on people's sympathy in order to garner huge numbers of likes and shares. I had to go through specific channels on Facebook to demand its removal and that this site would be shut down--and to my surprise, it happened as I'd requested, rather quickly, too.
I think you are wise to be skeptical and cautious. I have always been the type of person others say "wears her heart on her sleeve." I suppose that's what's deeply wounded me, then--the betrayals of others who knew too much about me. I write very openly, too, and seldom do I consider how my photos might be scrutinized by the wrong person to decipher where our family lives or how to stalk us or something like that. I should know better. I feel disappointed and a bit terrified that I need to consider such things, to be honest. And I'm almost 44. I should know better, right?
That is horrifying, Jeannie. It makes me sad that you're the kind of person who would get taken advantage of like that, because you are so open and trusting. It also makes it easier for you to get hurt by people, though. We really need more people like you in the world and less of the other kind. I'm glad that issue with Sarah's photo got resolved quickly, but I can imagine how scary it must have been.
I think it's good to be mindful. I may be overly cautious and I tend to be pessimistic. It's for each person should decide for themselves what they're comfortable with. You are not naive, but an open-hearted person who believes the best of others. I don't think that's a bad thing at all.
I appreciate that, Tiffany. It's interesting you say you tend toward pessimism, because really, I do, too. As I've gotten older and especially since welcoming Sarah into our family, I suppose some of that trusting instinct of childhood returned to me.
Like I said, I do think what you are doing is wise. I need to consider these possibilities more than I do, though as you said, it's horrifying that people exploit others.
I also had this ten-year stint of being a victim of identity theft. It got to the point where an organized crime ring was using my maiden name and SSN (which I NEVER give out, so I have no idea how they got it) as a cover for a fraudulent online business. The Indiana State Police investigated my case for a year before telling me I was basically chasing a ghost.
A few years ago I received a letter from a federal agency with a list of about seven names of people from the Russian mafia they busted, who were affiliated with my identity theft issue.
It was a nightmare. It really feels violating and I felt powerless, too, because it also affected filing my taxes, since there was a tax lien that put a hold on my annual refund. I didn't get it for over a year because of this.
Now I'm remembering all this shit related to your post and I'm thinking I might need to write about it. Because it's crazy, isn't it? And it happened. I can't believe how many ridiculous stories I have like this that happened to me.
Ohhh my goodness what! That's terrifying, Jeannie! Really makes you wonder how they even got that information and how insecure all our data is. Wow that level of identity theft is so violating. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Things like this happen all the time, but I almost never hear anyone talking about it. Real life is genuinely crazier than fiction.
I consider it a good day anytime I find someone or some words that show me something new, challenge my thinking, make me ponder and wonder. I’m angry that might lead to someone being abused or threatened. I’m sad that might lead to someone retreating or disappearing. I’m appreciative that some show up and speak and write anyway. This world is so tilted right now.
Thanks for the reminder Tiffany. I grew up sharing contents online without that much thought. I used to blog anonymously but I've since used my own name, not without some unease. I'll check out your tips and I believe, security is worth the price.
Thank you, Rachel. Here’s to making a more secure online world for us, hopefully.
Tiffany, I’m a little shocked to read about such a mean spirited comment. Who are these people?? Just awful. I might be a little naive, or more trusting than you, but I am always feeling nervous when I publish something personal (what is not?) and dread how it will be received (misunderstood?). I was particularly nervous when I wrote about subjects that I knew were potentially divisive (the Israel-Palestine conflict for example). So I always ask myself, WHY publish? What is my intention? Do I write from a place of love, or some unresolved anger? I publish only what I believe can be helpful in some way. It is often received with love (for which I’m very grateful), and sometimes, yes, it is misunderstood. But like you, I have been silent for far too long and know that pain.
I love your writing so much and I am happy you are here. I’m grateful for your words and what you bring. Take the necessary steps to protect yourself, but don’t let these mean spirited assholes silence you. Sorry, just reading about it made me so angry.
Ugh I know, Imola.
You write about sensitive topics, and I'm reminded of when you shared about when someone said you wanted to start a forest fire with your post? Incidentally, I think that's the one that brought me to you! Whenever we write bravely, we're bound to incite strong feelings in others - good and bad.
I'm grateful for people like you, who remain open-hearted and still courageous, who still look for common humanity and compassion. You know it's what I also strive to do, even when it's so, so hard. It's encouraging to know we're not alone.
Like you said, we've been silent too long. Enough of that!
Excellent questions we all need to consider!
Hi Tiffany,
Facing up to the reality that you have to take these measures to feel that you’ve done what you can, that you’ve put available and reasonable measures in place for the safety of your family leaves me feeling sadder yet about the state of our society. Just know that there are people out here who need know nothing more about you than your humanity to want you and your family to be happy and safe. Your message, your writing, sheds a bit more light on the shared nature of our lives.
Thank you,
George
Thank you, George. I'm truly grateful to have connected with you. Your kind words make this space one I want to continue writing in, so thank you for that gift.
So thankful to read your words and I don't think I've ever stopped asking the question about the risk and "rewards" of writing so personally under my real name (even though I share about 20% of my real life). I have bylines in different publications but not of personal topics (lol it's finance) and I still get emails that are too rude to share. Someone found my phone number one and called me while I was running errands. I'm so glad to hear you have such good boundaries in place, but like you alluded, there is still a big risk in sharing online or in a public way.
It's crazy (not crazy) how there are people who will find something to harass someone about with just about anything.. Wow the phone number though. I block all unknown phone numbers haha so that kind of helps. There does seem to be less spam calls/texts after using DeleteMe, too.
Yeah I’m signing up for DeleteMe soon. I wouldn’t have answered it, but I remember being distracted by a few things in my kitchen and just answered the call without much thought.
Tiffany, before I got to the end of your post today, I scribbled on a sticky note, "Look up DeleteMe." Honestly, I forget how naive I can be, how trusting of others. When you wrote this, I was reminded of something predatory that happened on Facebook several years ago. I had posted a photo of Sarah as a baby, post-operation, to commemorate the anniversary of her cranial vault reconstruction. It took a while, but about four weeks later, maybe longer, I received a DM from someone who followed me that included a screen shot of Sarah's photo that was being exploited by someone who claimed Sarah was THEIR child who had Down syndrome. It was during this era of "please like and share," online predators capitalizing on people's sympathy in order to garner huge numbers of likes and shares. I had to go through specific channels on Facebook to demand its removal and that this site would be shut down--and to my surprise, it happened as I'd requested, rather quickly, too.
I think you are wise to be skeptical and cautious. I have always been the type of person others say "wears her heart on her sleeve." I suppose that's what's deeply wounded me, then--the betrayals of others who knew too much about me. I write very openly, too, and seldom do I consider how my photos might be scrutinized by the wrong person to decipher where our family lives or how to stalk us or something like that. I should know better. I feel disappointed and a bit terrified that I need to consider such things, to be honest. And I'm almost 44. I should know better, right?
That is horrifying, Jeannie. It makes me sad that you're the kind of person who would get taken advantage of like that, because you are so open and trusting. It also makes it easier for you to get hurt by people, though. We really need more people like you in the world and less of the other kind. I'm glad that issue with Sarah's photo got resolved quickly, but I can imagine how scary it must have been.
I think it's good to be mindful. I may be overly cautious and I tend to be pessimistic. It's for each person should decide for themselves what they're comfortable with. You are not naive, but an open-hearted person who believes the best of others. I don't think that's a bad thing at all.
I appreciate that, Tiffany. It's interesting you say you tend toward pessimism, because really, I do, too. As I've gotten older and especially since welcoming Sarah into our family, I suppose some of that trusting instinct of childhood returned to me.
Like I said, I do think what you are doing is wise. I need to consider these possibilities more than I do, though as you said, it's horrifying that people exploit others.
I also had this ten-year stint of being a victim of identity theft. It got to the point where an organized crime ring was using my maiden name and SSN (which I NEVER give out, so I have no idea how they got it) as a cover for a fraudulent online business. The Indiana State Police investigated my case for a year before telling me I was basically chasing a ghost.
A few years ago I received a letter from a federal agency with a list of about seven names of people from the Russian mafia they busted, who were affiliated with my identity theft issue.
It was a nightmare. It really feels violating and I felt powerless, too, because it also affected filing my taxes, since there was a tax lien that put a hold on my annual refund. I didn't get it for over a year because of this.
Now I'm remembering all this shit related to your post and I'm thinking I might need to write about it. Because it's crazy, isn't it? And it happened. I can't believe how many ridiculous stories I have like this that happened to me.
Ohhh my goodness what! That's terrifying, Jeannie! Really makes you wonder how they even got that information and how insecure all our data is. Wow that level of identity theft is so violating. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Things like this happen all the time, but I almost never hear anyone talking about it. Real life is genuinely crazier than fiction.
Right?! Maybe that's why I've never tried my hand at writing fiction. 🤷♀️
At least fantasy is still fair game haha.
🤣🤣
I consider it a good day anytime I find someone or some words that show me something new, challenge my thinking, make me ponder and wonder. I’m angry that might lead to someone being abused or threatened. I’m sad that might lead to someone retreating or disappearing. I’m appreciative that some show up and speak and write anyway. This world is so tilted right now.
The anonymity of the internet does lead some to act in ways they would be ashamed of in person. Quite sad. Thank you for being here, Leslie.