💬 Town Square | What makes a friendship last?
Dear Inklings,
Welcome back to another town square gathering! It’s been a while. For those new here, this is our interactive space where we cover a range of topics, from books to the meaning of life.
In case you missed last week’s essay, I wrote about why I broke up with my best friend of 26 years.
Here’s how this works:
Answer the question: What makes a friendship last?
Respond to someone else’s comment. Please don’t forget this step!
Town square discussions are usually open to patrons only, in order to keep this space an intimate one. I’m opening this one to everyone to ease us back into it. If you’d like to be part of this fellowship, consider upgrading your subscription.
Meet you in the comments. 🩵
With Love,
Coming up next week
Honestly? I believe what makes a friendship last is having hard conversations with each other. To me, this means total transparency about the relationship, so that both parties know where the other person stands. It's important to me that my friends let me know if I have hurt them or overstepped in some way or made some insensitive remark. That way I can listen to what happened from their viewpoint and validate it, however hard it may be to hear (which is really more about the puncture to my ego than anything else). Likewise, I've had to muster the courage to initiate tough conversations with my friends, too, and they don't always receive it well. But in my experience, this is how connections deepen over time--not just friendships but any type of relationship.
Love this question! I believe mutual reciprocation, shared interests/values, and feeling safe to share life with each other is key.
Personally, I think friendship can only deepen if you allow yourself to be known. Even if the other person is friendly or a great listener, I find it hard to feel close to someone if they are emotionally guarded and/or refuse to be vulnerable. I love a good time but my deepest friendships are with people who I have struggled together with in the trenches.
I do think geographical proximity helps when you’re a busy parent. My good friend bought a house next to us so we can easily hang out and our kids can grow up together.
In saying this, my 20+ year best friend lives interstate and our friendship is possible due to our shared history and mutual effort to keep in touch. We see each other in person at least once a year.