I liked what you shared about Ruhie, I try to choose platforms where I find ease in sharing and feel good with my audience. I am not going to spend my energy constantly switching when, as you said, it's all a business. And as a small business owner myself who tries to be as values-aligned as possible, I still have to to it in a capitalistic system. I'm trying to limit my time on all the online things and pay attention to (1) my body (2) the beautiful Earth around me and (3) my relationships. So far, so good :) Thanks Tiffany!
Yes! You bring up such a good point as a small business owner, Nisha. I mean, I can't just not pay the business tax or fees even if I dislike the government. I see this in a similar light.
This is pure value content! I love your exploration, and debating with you on things :))
Everyone needs to read this.
Platforms like Substack are still so far away from catering so many of us, in terms of earning an income as well. If Tiffany wasn’t connected to my account, I wouldn’t be able to have paid subscribers from Pakistan. Let alone try out another medium for my newsletter. There are so many intricacies to this topic, and no one solution could possibly be generalised on all. At the crux of it, this is about prioritising the collective in the path of fighting the oppressor. If we begin policing ourselves and each other in the matter, than the puppeteers are winning.
That's true of a lot of platforms, unfortunately - especially those based in the U.S. The options are limited. Like we've talked about, I highly doubt Substack is against making more money, but reputable payment options are negligible, especially to implement on a business-wide scale. Just look at how much trouble I've run into trying to pay just one person in Pakistan.
I still don't think hopping from platform to platform is the answer. There's something to be said of sticking to one thing and just doing the work. You'll have trouble building an audience if you keep starting over every time a corporation decides to do something you disagree with.
I appreciate your thinking on, and through, what I also struggle with. Clarity about “boundaries” and “right-ness” is elusive for me when I try to think about it in a big way. For now, I’m muddling through, making small decisions about where/when/how I consume, limiting (or trying to) the time I agonize over my decisions, and allowing myself to change my mind occasionally. Thank you.
It's difficult to make these decisions, Leslie. I'm right there with you, muddling through. Let's keep giving ourselves grace, and as you said, allow ourselves to change our minds. That's a key factor, I think.
Everything you wrote today could go in multiple directions for discussion.
What I thought of instantly, though, was a conversation I had with my 14yo over the weekend. She wanted me to take her to Sephora to purchase a particular lip gloss for a friend's birthday. I obliged. I do not go to Sephora, mind you. This was the first time I had set foot inside the store. And I was APPALLED and AGHAST at the prices of these beauty products.
My daughter was eyeing skin care products that cost $80!
And a lip mask that cost $24!
It felt wrong, all of it. I thought about our values as a family, and I decided to have a conversation with her on the drive home: about stewardship, about value, about delayed gratification, about supporting ethical companies. I don't think she "got" it exactly, but I didn't want to drone on and on and have her tune me out. It wasn't a lecture. I told her that it's not "wrong" to buy the $24 lip balm, but is it necessary if a $7 alternative will do? What about what we could do with the rest of the money we save? Why do we "need" to have certain brands?
I wanted her to think, not just impulsively give in to the cultural beauty standards, too. I wanted her to understand that privilege is real and that we do not have to pretend we are among the wealthy by trying to live beyond our means.
Ben and I are very frugal people and we save our money diligently, which is probably why we are skating by on his sole income right now (and for who knows how long). One income for seven people is tough in this economy, but we make it work. And it's because we do not live beyond our means. We do not have debt (except our mortgage). It's tough, but it teaches our whole family about hard work, about saving, about bargain shopping, about delayed gratification.
Not exactly the same thing as what you wrote, concerning the ethics of a particular company, but that does play a role in how our family chooses to live and the values we are trying to impart to our children. No, we do not need to purchase $300 UGGS, I told my daughter. We can buy a decent pair of boots that fits within our budget for much, much less.
I could tangentially mention that the entire beauty industry, to me, is sad. It's telling us that we "must" look a certain way, or that we "must" use certain products and spend oodles of money in order to stay young or be gorgeous. It's absurd. I do not want my daughter to buy into this message, both literally and figuratively.
But nor do I intend to sound self-righteous for those who have reasons to use specific brands, because I am not them. I don't know their motivations, and that applies to every decision that others make. It is not our decision. I believe strongly in respecting other people's right to decide for themselves how they will live and what they will do, without infringing my own values upon them. But also do I believe strongly in living wholeheartedly the lifestyle that best reflects my personal values and in trying to be a good steward of all I have been given.
Thanks for another great, thought-provoking post, Tiffany!
Yes, Jeannie! I had to stop myself going off into multiple tangents because it can apply to so many different things, including the example you brought up. You bring up a really important principle with your daughter: WHY do we do the things we do? This is something I've always considered, even from a young age (which drove my mom mad haha).
I think it's important to think about these things, consider different angles. What's the purpose for buying this brand versus non-brand products? What are we trying to achieve? In the same vein, I like to ask myself when I set a goal. For example, what am I trying to accomplish when I say I want to be a Substack bestseller? For me, it's not about the validation. It's because the social proof and signaling to the algorithm that my publication is worth subscribing to (however dumb that may seem to me), is worth pursuing for the sake of the message I want to send out into the world.
And definitely agree with you about not being self-righteous or judging others for their decisions. I don't know what factored into anyone else's choices. It could be simplistic, but as we know, it's often nuanced and complex. But I do think we'd all do better to weigh these issues for ourselves and make sound decisions.
I've always asked WHY, too, Tiffany. In fact, I've always been inquisitive, much to my own mother's chagrin.
Curiosity can be a personality asset but it can also go too far, I've learned. It's good to ask ourselves what our motivations are, and I've also needed to back off with the unanswerable questions.
Bravo Tiffany!! Such a timely and thought-provoking post about an increasingly charged issue. I have so much to say on this topic (the subject of my post in 2 weeks time!). The morality of these big tech companies is questionable to say the least! To be honest I never imagined I’d get sucked into the TikTok vortex - I’m probably one of very few millennials who never had my own personal TikTok account haha. It’s been an interesting experiment! While I’m still not a fan of TikTok, I must say it has some pros when it comes to conveying important messages. But there’s plenty of cons too which is why I’m not sure how sustainable it is. Substack is a far more pleasant and uplifting place to be that’s for sure ✨ Great job addressing the many nuances of such a complex topic!
There is so much to say about it and I kept having to stop myself going off into all these other tangents. It's related to so many other things! Haha I feel you on the TikTok thing. I tried it for a little while, but it was not my thing. I'm pretty open to experimenting new and different things to find what works, but I'm also wary about tech in general. And paranoid about data lol, which is the biggest reason why I deleted my Instagram and Facebook accounts. I sometimes wonder, though, if I'd still have done it if I'd been more successful on there.
I can imagine! it's not an easy topic to write on but you did an excellent job of exploring different facets without getting lost down rabbit holes haha. I'm 100% sure TikTok is not my thing either! But when something you post that is so meaningful to you resonates with others and goes viral, that's pretty powerful. I need to write a longer post on this! I'm still not sure where I sit with it... overall it makes me pretty uncomfortable - which is why I'm back on Substack where it feels so much safer and more wholesome 😂❤️
That's valid. I couldn't do those platforms because of how soul-sucking they were. I do like how much more wholesome it is on Substack, and I like having more control haha.
The truth is, his worldview and values were shaped by complex factors, including, but not limited to, history, tradition, life experiences—that we can’t even begin to fathom. This is true of every person you come into contact with - well said and we get to choose
“I am, however, wondering if we’ve taken our moral high ground too far. I am wondering if we are blind to our own hypocrisy” omg, Tiffany, everything you write here is just gold! Yes!! Just yesterday I had this beautiful conversation with Jeannie about nuance! I find that everything I believe in is nuanced: the climate, the Israel-Palestine conflict, religion, politics… and I can’t stand this sanctimonious preaching about morality! I could write a whole long essay with too many examples. My dear grandmother who I absolutely adored was an Orban supporter and thought gay people were ill. My best friend is gay. I clearly don’t hold the same beliefs but I have had the privilege to travel the world freely and expose myself to myriads of cultures. She didn’t. She grew up in communist Hungary. So, just to say - I’m with you!! 1000 %! Keep writing your beautiful essays Tiffany and let those moral people make their own clothing. Sending much love.
Again, we speak the same language, Imola! It gives me warm, fuzzy feelings whenever we connect like this. When the Israel-Palestine conflict first broke out, a "friend" I'd then known for at least two years stopped talking to me because I wouldn't post about it. She wouldn't hear any reasoning I had for not doing so, and the whole thing was just very black and white to her. This way of thinking makes me sad because it's all so complex and nuanced.
The whole social media performative social justice thing annoys me, too, but that's a topic for another time. Just because someone is passionately posting about an issue on social media doesn't mean they're doing something about in real life. Just because someone isn't posting about it doesn't mean they're NOT doing something in real life. We don't have to advertise our behaviour online. It's such a low-stakes way of making ourselves feel like we're doing something while not actually doing anything.
Couldn’t agree more! Performative justice is not the same as practicing justice, which is way, way harder. Yes, what a shocker that we speak the same language :)
Oh my gosh I have way too many thoughts and could go on a bazillion tangents after reading your post. One conversation I keep having (and seeing other people have) is the idea of the idea of putting individual solutions on systemic problems.
As a quick example: maybe you boycott a fast fashion brand for its contribution to the climate crisis, but it's really difficult for you to discern which ones also aren't contributing to it. Plus, buying more eco-conscious brands is hella expensive, so it feels like an impossible choice when all you can afford is the fast fashion brands.
I feel like we can be more "moral" with our choices when we have more agency (aka money or wealth) with the practical side of things. Like, I make a comfortable living, so I can purchase a book from a local bookstore. For some, the $5 savings they'll get from purchasing the same book on Amazon is a huge deal. In both these cases, we also get to support the author, and get value from reading the book (whether it's entertainment or some practical takeaway). So in a very indirect way, we are also making a positive impact, both to others and ourselves.
I guess this is my roundabout way of saying: we'll never truly understand what experiences/circumstances people face when making these sorts of decisions. All we can do is do our best to create less harm, because it's impossible to not create any at all.
Yes!! I totally agree, Sarah, and that takes me to another tangent. This is also something I keep coming back to. Buying eco-conscious brands is SO EXPENSIVE. I get it, but honestly, it's a luxury to be able to. My friend is a book lover who buys her books from Amazon even though she agrees it's a shitty company because those few dollars she saves on each book add up, and she simply can't afford to buy elsewhere.
I think what people fail to realise is that when they boycott a COMPANY, they're hurting the author/person they want to support the most. The company will hardly feel it. The individual creator, however, will be suffering the most. They won't be getting the sales. Like it or not, Amazon (at the moment) is the biggest driver of book sales, and the average consumer still looks to it for reviews to make decisions. By refusing to use it, in some ways we deprive the creator from being able to reach that wider audience.
All that to say, it's very complicated and nuanced (as I keep saying haha).
Yes, and it's hard to succinctly say what you want on any given topic. I write about personal finance for my work and there's only so much I can cram into 1,000 words haha
This is such a challenging theme to consider. I have dissonance in what I think is right and what I need or cannot afford to do/leave. I have left most of the Meta empire, but the only way to connect with my family and friends back home is still via Whatsapp. I used to like Google for what it was—I am so entrenched in all of its tools that it will take mountains of effort to move everything elsewhere. And as you have pointed out—caring about the environment, yet choosing still to consume things that are destroying it for many reasons. In the end, we all are like you say, choosing the lesser evil in the best way we can. We just need to know where to draw the line for ourselves, and when.
Yes, very challenging. All these things started out so nicely, and turned into greedy monsters along the way. Like you, even though I've switched to Proton Mail, I haven't completely deleted my Google accounts because there's so much STUFF still on there collected over like, decades. I'm kind of afraid to delete it, just in case..
Question for discussion: What factors do you take into consideration when deciding which tools to use?
I liked what you shared about Ruhie, I try to choose platforms where I find ease in sharing and feel good with my audience. I am not going to spend my energy constantly switching when, as you said, it's all a business. And as a small business owner myself who tries to be as values-aligned as possible, I still have to to it in a capitalistic system. I'm trying to limit my time on all the online things and pay attention to (1) my body (2) the beautiful Earth around me and (3) my relationships. So far, so good :) Thanks Tiffany!
Yes! You bring up such a good point as a small business owner, Nisha. I mean, I can't just not pay the business tax or fees even if I dislike the government. I see this in a similar light.
This is pure value content! I love your exploration, and debating with you on things :))
Everyone needs to read this.
Platforms like Substack are still so far away from catering so many of us, in terms of earning an income as well. If Tiffany wasn’t connected to my account, I wouldn’t be able to have paid subscribers from Pakistan. Let alone try out another medium for my newsletter. There are so many intricacies to this topic, and no one solution could possibly be generalised on all. At the crux of it, this is about prioritising the collective in the path of fighting the oppressor. If we begin policing ourselves and each other in the matter, than the puppeteers are winning.
That's true of a lot of platforms, unfortunately - especially those based in the U.S. The options are limited. Like we've talked about, I highly doubt Substack is against making more money, but reputable payment options are negligible, especially to implement on a business-wide scale. Just look at how much trouble I've run into trying to pay just one person in Pakistan.
I still don't think hopping from platform to platform is the answer. There's something to be said of sticking to one thing and just doing the work. You'll have trouble building an audience if you keep starting over every time a corporation decides to do something you disagree with.
I appreciate your thinking on, and through, what I also struggle with. Clarity about “boundaries” and “right-ness” is elusive for me when I try to think about it in a big way. For now, I’m muddling through, making small decisions about where/when/how I consume, limiting (or trying to) the time I agonize over my decisions, and allowing myself to change my mind occasionally. Thank you.
It's difficult to make these decisions, Leslie. I'm right there with you, muddling through. Let's keep giving ourselves grace, and as you said, allow ourselves to change our minds. That's a key factor, I think.
Oh, Tiffany, SO MUCH TO SAY about this...
Everything you wrote today could go in multiple directions for discussion.
What I thought of instantly, though, was a conversation I had with my 14yo over the weekend. She wanted me to take her to Sephora to purchase a particular lip gloss for a friend's birthday. I obliged. I do not go to Sephora, mind you. This was the first time I had set foot inside the store. And I was APPALLED and AGHAST at the prices of these beauty products.
My daughter was eyeing skin care products that cost $80!
And a lip mask that cost $24!
It felt wrong, all of it. I thought about our values as a family, and I decided to have a conversation with her on the drive home: about stewardship, about value, about delayed gratification, about supporting ethical companies. I don't think she "got" it exactly, but I didn't want to drone on and on and have her tune me out. It wasn't a lecture. I told her that it's not "wrong" to buy the $24 lip balm, but is it necessary if a $7 alternative will do? What about what we could do with the rest of the money we save? Why do we "need" to have certain brands?
I wanted her to think, not just impulsively give in to the cultural beauty standards, too. I wanted her to understand that privilege is real and that we do not have to pretend we are among the wealthy by trying to live beyond our means.
Ben and I are very frugal people and we save our money diligently, which is probably why we are skating by on his sole income right now (and for who knows how long). One income for seven people is tough in this economy, but we make it work. And it's because we do not live beyond our means. We do not have debt (except our mortgage). It's tough, but it teaches our whole family about hard work, about saving, about bargain shopping, about delayed gratification.
Not exactly the same thing as what you wrote, concerning the ethics of a particular company, but that does play a role in how our family chooses to live and the values we are trying to impart to our children. No, we do not need to purchase $300 UGGS, I told my daughter. We can buy a decent pair of boots that fits within our budget for much, much less.
I could tangentially mention that the entire beauty industry, to me, is sad. It's telling us that we "must" look a certain way, or that we "must" use certain products and spend oodles of money in order to stay young or be gorgeous. It's absurd. I do not want my daughter to buy into this message, both literally and figuratively.
But nor do I intend to sound self-righteous for those who have reasons to use specific brands, because I am not them. I don't know their motivations, and that applies to every decision that others make. It is not our decision. I believe strongly in respecting other people's right to decide for themselves how they will live and what they will do, without infringing my own values upon them. But also do I believe strongly in living wholeheartedly the lifestyle that best reflects my personal values and in trying to be a good steward of all I have been given.
Thanks for another great, thought-provoking post, Tiffany!
Yes, Jeannie! I had to stop myself going off into multiple tangents because it can apply to so many different things, including the example you brought up. You bring up a really important principle with your daughter: WHY do we do the things we do? This is something I've always considered, even from a young age (which drove my mom mad haha).
I think it's important to think about these things, consider different angles. What's the purpose for buying this brand versus non-brand products? What are we trying to achieve? In the same vein, I like to ask myself when I set a goal. For example, what am I trying to accomplish when I say I want to be a Substack bestseller? For me, it's not about the validation. It's because the social proof and signaling to the algorithm that my publication is worth subscribing to (however dumb that may seem to me), is worth pursuing for the sake of the message I want to send out into the world.
And definitely agree with you about not being self-righteous or judging others for their decisions. I don't know what factored into anyone else's choices. It could be simplistic, but as we know, it's often nuanced and complex. But I do think we'd all do better to weigh these issues for ourselves and make sound decisions.
Thanks for your thoughtful response, Jeannie!
I've always asked WHY, too, Tiffany. In fact, I've always been inquisitive, much to my own mother's chagrin.
Curiosity can be a personality asset but it can also go too far, I've learned. It's good to ask ourselves what our motivations are, and I've also needed to back off with the unanswerable questions.
Thank you
Bravo Tiffany!! Such a timely and thought-provoking post about an increasingly charged issue. I have so much to say on this topic (the subject of my post in 2 weeks time!). The morality of these big tech companies is questionable to say the least! To be honest I never imagined I’d get sucked into the TikTok vortex - I’m probably one of very few millennials who never had my own personal TikTok account haha. It’s been an interesting experiment! While I’m still not a fan of TikTok, I must say it has some pros when it comes to conveying important messages. But there’s plenty of cons too which is why I’m not sure how sustainable it is. Substack is a far more pleasant and uplifting place to be that’s for sure ✨ Great job addressing the many nuances of such a complex topic!
There is so much to say about it and I kept having to stop myself going off into all these other tangents. It's related to so many other things! Haha I feel you on the TikTok thing. I tried it for a little while, but it was not my thing. I'm pretty open to experimenting new and different things to find what works, but I'm also wary about tech in general. And paranoid about data lol, which is the biggest reason why I deleted my Instagram and Facebook accounts. I sometimes wonder, though, if I'd still have done it if I'd been more successful on there.
I can imagine! it's not an easy topic to write on but you did an excellent job of exploring different facets without getting lost down rabbit holes haha. I'm 100% sure TikTok is not my thing either! But when something you post that is so meaningful to you resonates with others and goes viral, that's pretty powerful. I need to write a longer post on this! I'm still not sure where I sit with it... overall it makes me pretty uncomfortable - which is why I'm back on Substack where it feels so much safer and more wholesome 😂❤️
That's valid. I couldn't do those platforms because of how soul-sucking they were. I do like how much more wholesome it is on Substack, and I like having more control haha.
The truth is, his worldview and values were shaped by complex factors, including, but not limited to, history, tradition, life experiences—that we can’t even begin to fathom. This is true of every person you come into contact with - well said and we get to choose
Yes, it's such an individual decision.
“I am, however, wondering if we’ve taken our moral high ground too far. I am wondering if we are blind to our own hypocrisy” omg, Tiffany, everything you write here is just gold! Yes!! Just yesterday I had this beautiful conversation with Jeannie about nuance! I find that everything I believe in is nuanced: the climate, the Israel-Palestine conflict, religion, politics… and I can’t stand this sanctimonious preaching about morality! I could write a whole long essay with too many examples. My dear grandmother who I absolutely adored was an Orban supporter and thought gay people were ill. My best friend is gay. I clearly don’t hold the same beliefs but I have had the privilege to travel the world freely and expose myself to myriads of cultures. She didn’t. She grew up in communist Hungary. So, just to say - I’m with you!! 1000 %! Keep writing your beautiful essays Tiffany and let those moral people make their own clothing. Sending much love.
Again, we speak the same language, Imola! It gives me warm, fuzzy feelings whenever we connect like this. When the Israel-Palestine conflict first broke out, a "friend" I'd then known for at least two years stopped talking to me because I wouldn't post about it. She wouldn't hear any reasoning I had for not doing so, and the whole thing was just very black and white to her. This way of thinking makes me sad because it's all so complex and nuanced.
The whole social media performative social justice thing annoys me, too, but that's a topic for another time. Just because someone is passionately posting about an issue on social media doesn't mean they're doing something about in real life. Just because someone isn't posting about it doesn't mean they're NOT doing something in real life. We don't have to advertise our behaviour online. It's such a low-stakes way of making ourselves feel like we're doing something while not actually doing anything.
Couldn’t agree more! Performative justice is not the same as practicing justice, which is way, way harder. Yes, what a shocker that we speak the same language :)
I love you so much!!
Yes! Say it louder for the people in the back!
Oh my gosh I have way too many thoughts and could go on a bazillion tangents after reading your post. One conversation I keep having (and seeing other people have) is the idea of the idea of putting individual solutions on systemic problems.
As a quick example: maybe you boycott a fast fashion brand for its contribution to the climate crisis, but it's really difficult for you to discern which ones also aren't contributing to it. Plus, buying more eco-conscious brands is hella expensive, so it feels like an impossible choice when all you can afford is the fast fashion brands.
I feel like we can be more "moral" with our choices when we have more agency (aka money or wealth) with the practical side of things. Like, I make a comfortable living, so I can purchase a book from a local bookstore. For some, the $5 savings they'll get from purchasing the same book on Amazon is a huge deal. In both these cases, we also get to support the author, and get value from reading the book (whether it's entertainment or some practical takeaway). So in a very indirect way, we are also making a positive impact, both to others and ourselves.
I guess this is my roundabout way of saying: we'll never truly understand what experiences/circumstances people face when making these sorts of decisions. All we can do is do our best to create less harm, because it's impossible to not create any at all.
Yes!! I totally agree, Sarah, and that takes me to another tangent. This is also something I keep coming back to. Buying eco-conscious brands is SO EXPENSIVE. I get it, but honestly, it's a luxury to be able to. My friend is a book lover who buys her books from Amazon even though she agrees it's a shitty company because those few dollars she saves on each book add up, and she simply can't afford to buy elsewhere.
I think what people fail to realise is that when they boycott a COMPANY, they're hurting the author/person they want to support the most. The company will hardly feel it. The individual creator, however, will be suffering the most. They won't be getting the sales. Like it or not, Amazon (at the moment) is the biggest driver of book sales, and the average consumer still looks to it for reviews to make decisions. By refusing to use it, in some ways we deprive the creator from being able to reach that wider audience.
All that to say, it's very complicated and nuanced (as I keep saying haha).
Yes, and it's hard to succinctly say what you want on any given topic. I write about personal finance for my work and there's only so much I can cram into 1,000 words haha
This is such a challenging theme to consider. I have dissonance in what I think is right and what I need or cannot afford to do/leave. I have left most of the Meta empire, but the only way to connect with my family and friends back home is still via Whatsapp. I used to like Google for what it was—I am so entrenched in all of its tools that it will take mountains of effort to move everything elsewhere. And as you have pointed out—caring about the environment, yet choosing still to consume things that are destroying it for many reasons. In the end, we all are like you say, choosing the lesser evil in the best way we can. We just need to know where to draw the line for ourselves, and when.
Yes, very challenging. All these things started out so nicely, and turned into greedy monsters along the way. Like you, even though I've switched to Proton Mail, I haven't completely deleted my Google accounts because there's so much STUFF still on there collected over like, decades. I'm kind of afraid to delete it, just in case..
Yes, decades. I'm afraid to tackle it too!